“There’s no question about it. Wall Street got drunk — that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras — it got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.” –George W. Bush, speaking at a private fundraiser, Houston, Texas, July 18, 2008
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My fellow Americans and RMD Readers,

Mission Accomplished. Last week, I signed the most comprehensive legislation meant to help eligible seniors expand their options for Reverse Mortgages that has nothing to do with drinking, being drunk, or fancy financial instruments. The Federal Housing Administration (FHA) has been stone cold sober the last few years and was the good, pious girl at the party, not the slutty temptress (a/k/a Wall Street). FHA was never invited to the party for the last few years and stayed home and was accused of being boring and prude. As of last week, she is Wonder Woman with her lasso of truth, playing the part of designated driver, nurse and the good girl next door. Now that Wall Street and Main Street are sobering up, this legislation is my way of sending FHA back out to the world and with a bottle of aspirin, a green Gatorade and a greasy cheeseburger to ease those hangovers in America and Wall Street.

I am a man of the people and the people in this country are getting older by the day, hour, and minute. My eloquence notwithstanding, I am pleased to sign this piece of legislation that both parties worked on through the hot summer months here in Washington to help out Americans struggling across our great land. We will be able to continue to let Seniors get older and fund America’s tax rolls and let more seniors stay in the homes and out of government sponsored health care facilities a little bit longer. This strategy will allow us to spend more money for the war on terrorism and hopefully I may be able to find those Weapons of Mass Destruction before my last day as President on January 20, 2009.

Since I am now eligible for a Reverse Mortgage (born July 6, 1946), I will need to explore these new options on all my residences such as my Crawford, Texas ranch and my new home in the Highland Park neighborhood of Dallas, Texas because clearly the current FHA loan limits in McLennan and Dallas county will not permit me to maximize my home equity. Frankly, I need the money to pay for Jenna’s wedding.

Many of my close friends may need these provisions as well especially if Senator Obama is in the White House. My cabinet members may need some assistance to make ends meet once the taxpayers are no longer footing the bill. I would like to take credit especially for the HECM for coops provision that will enable all of my rich, Republican friends to take advantage of this terrific federal loan program. We can now stand shoulder to shoulder with our low to moderate income brothers and sisters.

Wasn’t it someone from the FDIC that stated the any FHA loan program is a subprime loan? Tell that to Rummy who has a coop on Park Avenue. He’s so subprime.

Thank you and God Bless America.

G.W. Bush
POTUS