As we continue to see bail-out after bail-out, and government programs designed to prop up a market in dire need of correcting itself, MarketWatch’s David Weider gets to an end-game: why not just outlaw selling stocks at a loss altogether? It’s got all the features lawmakers love: it keeps up on the upward slope, and does so without using taxpayer dollars, either. His column is as funny as it is biting, recounting how the discussion in the oval office might go, sort of as a faux movie script:

Cox: But I was getting a pedicure the other day and I thought, ‘Why not just short selling?’ What about ALL selling?’ Why not make a rule that prohibits selling a stock for a price lower than the last trade. We’d stop losses altogether. Everyone would make a profit. Unlike some of these other measures you’ve heard today, it wouldn’t cost taxpayers a penny. So, what do you think of the Cox No-Loss Sale rule? Bernanke, Paulson, Geithner, Lukken: Mr. President — POTUS: (holds his hands up) Hold on. Hmmm. Can we call it the Bush-Cox No-Loss Sale rule? Cox: I think so. POTUS: Do it. Effective until Jan. 19.

Funny stuff. Below is a video from Weidner that sets up the background.