Here at HousingWire, we talk to and write about a lot of banks. Some with very generic names like “First Savings” and some with names indicative (most likely) of how awesome they think they are (Bank of America [stock BAC][/stock]). But there are a few banks names that none of us understand.

We now present to you, a list of the worst bank names. Feel free to comment on this page or tweet me with more suggestions.

Amalgamated Bank — While I understand that the real definition for this is to combine or unite or to blend a metal with mercury, this word really sounds like it should be used to describe food that has gone bad, or is otherwise unworthy of consumption (like, “The casserole looks a bit amalgamated. You should throw it out."). In any case, upon coming across this bank name I promptly added it to my “least favorite words” list, right under the word “moist” (because, really, that’s a gross word).

Fifth Third Bank — This bank may have the hardest name to say on this list. With the double “th,” you sound more like a first-grader with a lisp than a journalist talking to a notable bank (picture me saying “fitherd” and you get the idea). The bank’s name was created from a merger between Third National Bank and Fifth National Bank, which made me wonder why they didn’t just call it Third Fifth to save everyone the embarrassment of spitting on their conversation partner. But, they thought that sounded too much like three “fifths” of alcohol, at least that the claim on Wikipedia. Sounds like fun to me, but I guess it wasn't such a fun idea during the prohibition era in which it was founded.

Old Second Bank — With two words that describe less-than-innovative states of being, this bank name doesn’t strike me as a winning one, though it is a nice diversion from the ubiquitous mention of words like “first,” “one,” “primary” and “premier.” To its credit, Old Second’s website does feature a scrolling picture box of young people doing fancy things on new technology (plus one of a couple chopping tomatoes), so perhaps they still are on the cutting edge. Or their lobbies are just filled with people smiling into their cell phones.

Amegy Bank — According to Amegy’s website, the name is supposed to reflect the “energy of the people in America.” Which I assume means that they took “America” and “energy” and snapped them together to create the name. That’s great, but I’ve heard too many people pronounce it wrong to really be convinced of the genius of the word mash. Though, I suppose it’s better than “Energica.”

Lazard Bank [stock LAZ][/stock]: It sounds like “lizard,” and I, in fact, thought that is what one of my colleagues said when this bank was suggested for the list. It’s too bad Geico has the market on adorable reptile mascots, Lazard could have one adorable lizard dancing around in its commercials. I recommend this one — because, honestly, what says, “I’m awesome at managing your money” better than a lizard posing on a tiny, purple couch?  

Rabobank America: A small case of dyslexia could result in bad things for this bank. Reverse the "a" and the "o" and you get "Rob a bank." Whoops!

jhuseman@housingwire.com
@JessicaHuseman