If Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke were to decide to go on a bender before his news conference, at the conclusion of the central bank’s latest two-day policy meeting, here’s what The Washington Post would expect to hear:

Seriously, though, when are you going to taper?

[Smacks head]

When the time is right.

And when do you expect that to be?

Eh, the next few meetings. Maybe September. Maybe December. Maybe early next year. We’ll see.