The Close Before Christmas

By: PAUL JACKSON
December 11, 2008 5:24 PM CST

The following has been circulating through trade desks today, and is attributed to an unnamed source at Guggenheim Capital:

Twas the night before Christmas, and all thru the Street.
Not a head hunter was working, which was no easy feat.
The resumes were hung, by the fax machine with care.
In hopes that a 2 x 2 might soon appear there.

The interns were fighting over who covers the Fed.
While visions of Grad school danced through their head.
My wife worked the night shift with me at the Gap.
We just liquidated the IRA, and what was left of my CAP.

Then down on the trading floor there arose such a clatter.
It sounded like the Yanks just hired a new batter.
Across all my windows, the offer-wanteds did flash.
I took a look at my shorts and threw up in the trash.

When, what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a 5.00% mortgage rate and GSEs …without fear!

With a little old Fed chief, so lively and tan.
I knew in a moment it wasn’t Greenspan.
More rapid than rate cuts the liquidity came
and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

On Five year! on Three years! On Two years! On Bills!
Looks like i picked the wrong time to join Shinnecock Hills.
Forget about appraisals, and FICO et al,
Just refi ‘em, refi ‘em,….. refi ‘em all!

The market was tightening, like a bat out of hell!
“She’ll put that BUY thru Tradeweb!” one salesman did yell.
Things looked real bad, when out of the blue.
A salesman named Donny, had something to do.

His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples… how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, just like the guy in Glengarry.
He sold me some GN’s, and then the GN 5 roll too!
He even sold GN 5 1/2’s, well below 102.

Then he sprang from his Bloomberg, and picked up the phone.
His smile grew wide, as he dabbed on cologne.
We heard him exclaim, as he ran out of sight:
“The MBA is back in Vegas, and i just booked the last flight!”

Merry Christmas and here’s to a much needed Happy New Year!